I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
