Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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