omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
