She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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