so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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