he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
