I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
