We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
