Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
