I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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