I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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