I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
