I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
