I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
