The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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