Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
