Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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