Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
