At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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