She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She's the barista slut.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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