He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do vagina's smell?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
