Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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