He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
