i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
