Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
