she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
