The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
