where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
