dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
