Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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