Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
