thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
