If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
