dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
