MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
