I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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