hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Drake has all the answers
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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