I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
