i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it's like heaven, but drunker
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
