I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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