i will never coherently bang her
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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