the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
