It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
