i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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