Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
