YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Come on in and take your pants off
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