You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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