No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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