Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
