I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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