make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
