I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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